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Sweet 6teen/Script
is in the Khaki Barn with a large rack of dresses. Nikki: "Okay, so remind me again what the big deal is?" Caitlin: "It's my sweet sixteen, Nikki!" Nikki: "Uh-huh. And?" Caitlin: "And it's the biggest, most important night of my life. It's when I finally say goodbye to my childhood and reintroduce myself as an adult woman." Nikki: "And how will you do that?" Caitlin: "By having the wickedest, most expensive party in history!" Kristen: "I was watching Chill TV's Sweet 16 show, and this one girl's daddy bought her a car!" Caitlin: "What kind of car?" Kristen: "Red!" Caitlin, Kristen, and Kirsten: "EEEEEEE!!!" Kristen: "In one episode, all the guests got MP3 players!" Kirsten: "Are you going to give everyone gifts?" Caitlin: "Totally." Kristen and Kirsten: "EEEEEEE!!!" Nikki: "Oof. On my sixteenth birthday, I was at the movies with Jude and Jonesy. We saw Farting Ninjas Revenge, and Jonesy ate all my popcorn." walks out of the dressing room in a Look at Me dress. Kristen and Kirsten gasp. Caitlin: "This...is it." Kirsten: "It's perfect!" Caitlin, Kristen, and Kirsten: "EEEEEEE!!!" Goldstein, who is walking by the store, is startled. Stuart Goldstein: "What the–" drops his bags and runs away. Nikki runs out of the store. Nikki: her ears "Ugh! It's like hanging out with dolphins!" ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''Sweet 6teen' ---- ''six friends have gathered by the mall ice rink. Caitlin: "So I'm thinking of a Bollywood theme. I'm gonna transform the Soft Rock Café into this!" holds up a sketch. Jude: "Cool." Caitlin: "And I talked to Chill TV's Sweet 16, and they wanna shoot my party for their show!" Jonesy: "We get to be on TV? Awesome!" Benj: by "Hey Caitlin." raises a hand to wave and makes a strangled noise. Nikki: "Why is it that whenever you see Benj you lose the power of speech?" Caitlin: "I dunno. He's just so dreamy. I hope he asks to be my date for my sweet sixteen." Wyatt: "Why don't you just ask him to ask you?" Caitlin: "Duh! If I ask Benj to ask me, then he isn't asking me, I'm asking him." Wyatt: "Not if he asks you after you ask him to ask you." Caitlin: "But if I ask first, it makes me the asker not the askee, regardless of him asking me after I ask–" Nikki: "Okay, I'm asking both of you to stop before I hurt one of you." Jen: "Do you want me to help with decorations? I can be in charge of that if you want." Caitlin: "Oh, that's so sweet, Jen. But I'm gonna use professionals." Jen: "Oh. So what do you want me to do?" Caitlin: "I think I've got it all covered." Jen: "No, seriously. There has to be something you need me to do." Caitlin: "Just come to the party." Jen: "But I've never just gone to a party! You know, I'm usually in charge of something! Or everything!" Caitlin: gasping "I've got to do some serious shopping for my pre- and post-party outfits! Later!" stares at Caitlin's receding back, stunned that she won't be able to hijack any part of the party. Jen: "She's gotta let me be in charge of something though, right?" Nikki: up "I gotta go to work." Jen: "I just like to help out, that's all!" Jude: the girls leave "It is officially time to ice surf!" leaps on the ice, but doesn't surf at all. Jonesy and Wyatt follow him on and trip when they don't slide. Wyatt: unimpressed "Well that was anti-climactic." Jude: "What gives?" Jonesy: "Dude, your ice has no slide." Jude: "Bad quality ice? This will require some investigating." ---- is talking with some employees at Albatross & Finch. Jill: "We don't give discounts." Caitlin: "But what if I told you I'd be wearing the outfits on Chill TV?" who was walking by, hears this. She instantly hones in on the conversation. Jill: "Go on." Caitlin: "Chill TV is filming my sweet sixteen. So what do you say? 30% off?" Jill: "You will have to mention Albatross & Finch." Caitlin: "Make it half-price, and I'll bring a camera crew into the store during an interview." Jill: "Deal." her co-worker "Ring it up." Tricia: "Caitlin Cooke?" turns around, shocked. "Gotta hand it to you, when it comes to shopping, you are a legend." Caitlin: "Oh!" awkward "Hi, Trish. Thanks." Tricia: "I know we've had our differences, but I've still never found a better shopping partner." Caitlin: "Really?" Tricia: "Look, I'm not big on honesty but, here goes. Remember how we always planned to have our sweet sixteen parties together?" Caitlin: "Course I do!" Tricia: "Well, I miss you, Cait. And I thought that maybe if we still did it, it might fix everything that's gone wrong between us." Caitlin: "I dunno." Tricia: "I know I abandoned you because you got that loser job at the lemon." Caitlin: "Yeah." Tricia: "And I framed you for shoplifting." Caitlin: "Hey, that's right." Tricia: "And I wrote awful things about you in the girls' bathroom at school." Caitlin: "You what?!?" Tricia: "But that doesn't mean I don't want to be your friend." Caitlin: "Really?" Tricia: "I think hanging with you made me a better person, Cait." Caitlin: "Aww!" Jill: in "Uh, excuse me, no showing emotion on the premises? Store policy." walks away. Tricia: "If we throw a joint sweet sixteen, it will be a party people will talk about until they die. Let's go do what we do best." Caitlin: "You're on!" begins a mall-wide shopping spree that takes them from Huntington's to a swimsuit store to the photo booth. ---- boys are walking through the mall. Jude is wearing a police uniform and fake mustache. Wyatt: "Jude read somewhere that perfect indoor ice requires a specific temperature. The mall's too hot." Jonesy: "No way. Who knew you could learn stuff by reading?" Jude: them "Cover me." runs over to the thermostat, which is set at 21º. He takes out a screwdriver, undoes the control guard, and knocks the temperature down to a frosty 16º. Jude slaps the controls closed. Jude: "It's chilling time." ---- girls, meanwhile, are by the Big Squeeze. Caitlin is at work. Caitlin: "So FYI, on my sweet sixteen–" Jen: "Need help? I'll make a cake! I make the most amazing carrot cake." Caitlin: "Oh, no thanks, Jen. So, I really need you guys to keep an open mind here." Jen: "I can make it with or without raisins–" Nikki: "Let the girl speak." Caitlin: "Okay. I'm going to have a joint sweet sixteen party–" deeply "–with Tricia." guys, who are walking towards the table, hear this. Jonesy: "What?" Wyatt: "What?" Jude: "What?" Nikki: "You're kidding, right?" Caitlin: "No, for real. I know what you're all thinking." Jude, Wyatt, Jen, Nikki, and Jonesy: "Bad idea." Caitlin: "But I know Tricia better than all of you, and I think she's changed." Nikki: "People like that don't change." Caitlin: "C'mon, guys. Doesn't everyone deserve an eighth chance?" Jen: "We just don't want to see you get hurt by her again, Caitlin." Caitlin: "But if we have our parties separately, half the people I want at mine will be at hers. But if we do it together, everyone will be there." Jonesy: "That's true. One giant party would be off the hook." Wyatt: "Hey, if you want to give her another chance, we'll try too." Jude: "Affirmative." Caitlin: "Jen?" Jen: "All right." Caitlin: "Nikki?" Nikki: "Fine." Caitlin: applauding "Yay!" normally "Jonesy, Trish and I want to hire you to promote the party." up a kooky outfit "Just walk around like this and direct people to our party." Jonesy: "I don't think I want to dress like that." Caitlin: "We'll pay you." Jonesy: on the outfit "At your service." Caitlin: "Nikki and Jen, I need you to–" Jen: "Make animals out of napkins? I can do that." Caitlin: "No. Meet me and Tricia at Grind Me in an hour for a planning session." Jen: "Awesome! I'll bring pens." Caitlin: "Thanks guys." Nikki: shivering "Does anyone else find it cold in here today?" Jonesy: his vest "I'm gonna try this on." Wyatt: up "Off to work." and Nikki stare at Jude, who is the only other person at the table. Jude: "I have nowhere to go." ---- and Nikki are walking towards Grind Me. Jen: "Tricia better not have some evil plan up her sleeve!" Nikki: "Who knows? Maybe she has changed. Even a snake can shed its skin." and Nikki walk into the cafe and gasp. Caitlin and Tricia are being shown fabrics by Gwen and Mandy. Caitlin: "Cool!" Tricia: "No." Caitlin: "No." Tricia: "Absolutely not. Never." Caitlin: "Bad." Tricia: "Four of these." Caitlin: "No." Tricia: "Cute!" Caitlin: "Yes." Tricia: "Yuck." Caitlin: "No." walks up to them, a huge smile on her face, while Nikki hangs back, stunned. Tricia: "No." Caitlin: "No." Nikki: sarcastic "This is gonna be fun." Jen: smiling "I brought pens!" ---- is pouring water onto the ice to freeze a new surface. Wyatt: a manual "Once you have reached the optimum temperature, it is time to get your ice to the perfect thickness." Jude: "Did you hear that, ice? We're going to make you perfect!" walks in, clad in his costume. "How's the new job, dude?" Jonesy: "Best gig ever! Great coin, and everyone who wants an invite thinks I'm the one they need to impress!" Wyatt: "Why would they think that?" Jonesy: "Because that's what I tell 'em." Jude: "Sweet!" Jonesy: "So is the ice ready yet?" starts to walk onto it. Jude: "Whoa, dude, stop!" pushes Jonesy back. "This is a work of art in pro-gress! No one stepped on the Mona Lisa before it was dry!" Wyatt: "I'm not sure anyone ever stepped on the Mona Lisa." ---- and Caitlin are talking things over with Jen, Gwen, Mandy, and Nikki. Tricia: "So what do we have so far?" Jen: "I'll read it back. Secretary, dibs!" clears her throat. "Okay. We got the location, the theme, caterers and decorators, and Chill TV is confirmed." Nikki: "And I'll keep a registry at the Khaki Barn so no one ends up in the same dress as anybody else." Tricia: "Caitlin, great suggestions." smiles. "I knew it was going to be fun to do this together." Caitlin: "I am so glad you want to use all my ideas!" Tricia: "For invites, I'm thinking gold coins with alternating 3D images of you and me on the front. What do you think?" Caitlin: "I love it. Now all I need to make it perfect is Benj as my date." jerks, shocked. Tricia: "Benj? Benj Turner? My Benj?" Caitlin: "I thought Benj was single." Tricia: "Right now he is, but I've been working on him for over a week, and I plan to be going out with him by Monday." Nikki: Jen sarcastically "Uh, that doesn't sound evil at all." Caitlin: "I really thought he was getting close to asking me." giggles. Tricia: "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to laugh, but come on." Caitlin: "What?" Jen: "Look, this is easy to solve. As long as you both agree to play fair. The first one he asks, wins." Tricia: "Is flirting allowed?" Caitlin: it "I would say...yes." two shake on it. Tricia: "You're on." Caitlin: "Agreed." get up and head for the door. Nikki: "Mandy, Gwen, thanks for all the laughs, hhhaa." ---- is taking a nap in his office. Ron: sleepily "Don't be mad, mommy...achoo!" sneezes and falls off his chair. He leaps up, ready to fight. Ron: "Who what where what who!" sneezes. "Achoo!" starts shivering. "Hmm." ---- and Tricia are in Albatross & Finch. Tricia has a hat on. Caitlin: "Oh, I love that hat!" Tricia: "Actually, it looks even better on you." puts the hat on Caitlin. "As a matter of fact, I'm gonna buy it for you. Isn't that what friends do? Buy each other gifts? I saw it in a movie once." Benj: up to them, shirtless "Hey, Caitlin. That's a great hat." Caitlin: "Hi, uh, you, huh, have no shirt on." Benj: "I just got a job here. It's my first day!" Tricia: him "Hi Benj! I'm buying Caitlin that hat. Just something I do. Nice stuff." Benj: "Yeah, I saw you try it on first, and you're definitely right. It looks better on Caitlin." jolts back, shocked. Caitlin: "Congrats on the new job. You look great in your, uh...uniform." Benj: "Thanks. I just wish it wasn't so cold in here today." shivers. "Is it okay if I swing by the lemon tomorrow? I wanted to talk to you." Caitlin: "Sure! See you then." walks away. "Thanks for the hat, Tricia–" Tricia: the hat "On second thought, I really need a new hat. Maybe I'll buy you something another time." ---- comes over to the thermostat. Ron: shivering "Temperature's down. Box still locked." it "Odd. I smell punk." ---- is serving Benj lemonade while Jen and Nikki sit by. Caitlin: "Don't you need to take your shirt off to get ready for work?" spittakes. Benj: "It might be a little weird to wander around the mall without a shirt on, don't you think?" Caitlin: "Oh. Right." Benj: "So, about your sweet sixteen party." Caitlin: "Uh huh?" Benj: "I don't have a date yet." Caitlin: "Yeah?" leans closer to him. Benj: "I thought maybe you and I–" Tricia: "Caitlin?" runs up. "Are you ready to freak? Benj, just give us a sec, okay?" Benj: "I guess I'll see you later, Caitlin." Caitlin: goodbye "Come back on your break, I'll be here." leaves. "No fair! You knew he was about to ask me!" Tricia: taunting "Oh, was he?" Jen: "Okay, that was dirty." Tricia: "I had no idea what they were talking about, I swear." Nikki: "Right. So what's the big emergency?" Tricia: "I got the invites, and I just wanted to show them to you." hands Caitlin an invite coin. Caitlin: "Cool!" looks at it. The pictures on both sides are of Tricia. "Oh no! They made a mistake! Both pictures are of you!" Tricia: "No mistake. I decided to go it alone." Caitlin: "What?" Tricia: "You were right, Cait." snatches the token back. "We have so much bad history, it could never work. Oh, and try not to cry until I'm gone. It would just be...awkward." lip quivers, but she holds back her tears as Tricia walks away. Jen: "She's gone." bursts into tears. ---- and Nikki are comforting Caitlin. Wyatt and Jude walk up to the table. Wyatt: "Got your text. What's going on?" Nikki: "Tricia double-crossed Caitlin. Stole the party out from under her." Jen: "She took all her ideas and money!" Wyatt: "But we still get to be on Chill TV, right?" stops crying for a second, then resumes bawling, this time even louder. Nikki: "Nice." Caitlin: "I'm not having a sweet sixteen." Jen: "We'll throw you a sweet sixteen!" stops crying. "I am now officially in charge! The party will go on! Right guys?" Nikki: "Right!" Jude: at his drink "Hey, how'd you make these ice cubes so clear?" the table, Nikki kicks him. "Ow-ha-how!" Nikki: "Okay, let's focus here." Wyatt: "Caitlin, it's going to be fine. We can still have a great party with no band, no food, and no...people." breaks into tears again. She leaves the table. Jonesy arrives, dressed in his work uniform. Nikki: "Tricia totally sto–" Jonesy: "I heard, I heard!" Nikki: "Then why are you still dressed like Maharishi?" Jonesy: "Because I told Tricia that between Caitlin and the best party ever, I'd choose the party." Nikki: "WHAT?!?" Jonesy: "Give the Jonesmiester a little credit. I'm gonna sabotage the party by spreading the word that it's gonna suck out loud." Jen: "Oh!" Nikki: "Oh!" Wyatt: "Well, if there's one thing Jonesy's good at, it's taking something great, and ruining it." Jonesy: "Thank you, Wyatt." Jen: "No matter what happens, we've gotta make Caitlin's birthday into something really special." ---- is shivering as he walks through the mall. Inside Albatross & Finch, Tricia is giving an interview. Tricia: "I needed to make my sweet sixteen really special. So I used the party side of my brain, and came up with all these great ideas!" Benj onscreen "Benj! Benj! Come talk to Chill TV!" Benj: "Hey. Can I ask you something personal?" Tricia: "Of course. Take five, guys." and Tricia walk away from the filming. Benj: "I know you and Caitlin are good friends." Tricia: "The best." Benj: "I'm gonna ask her to the party. You know what kind of flowers she likes?" Tricia: "Oh, Benj. Caitlin's not interested." Benj: "Really? I thought she was kind of...into me." Tricia: "Well I thought so too, and so I asked, and she said...that she could do better." Benj: "Oh. I guess I had Caitlin all wrong." Tricia: "Personally, I think any girl would be lucky to have you as a date for their sweet sixteen." Benj: "Thanks." Tricia: impatient "Any girl." Benj: "Thanks." Tricia: her hand in front of his face "Any girl, standing in front of you! Me!" Benj: "You want me to take you to your sweet sixteen?" Tricia: "Oh, Benj! You see right through me!" swoons into Benj's arms. She snaps her fingers, and a camera focuses on her. ---- is watching the ice. He sees a little girl skating and gasps. He runs over and picks her up. Jude: "Why, little dudette, why?!?" Middle-Aged Woman: "Is there a problem?" Jude: "The ice, and the hopping and the crunching...out, out out!" on his knees "I have ice to save." breathes on it and tries to smooth it over. "These grooves are too deep. This can only mean one thing. The security dude turned the heat back up!" ---- in drag, turns the heat down. He slaps the control panel shut and leaves. ---- is at work when Jen and Nikki walk in holding a gold-colored dress. Wyatt: "Hey guys." Jen: "Can you keep this somewhere so that Caitlin doesn't see it?" Nikki: "It's the dress we got her for her birthday." Wyatt: "Sure. I'll put it in the freezer. How did you two afford this?" Jen: "I had some money saved up I was gonna use for a new bike." Nikki: "I had to take a big pay advance and agree to clean the staff bathroom for the next three months." Wyatt: "Don't worry, it's in safe hands." walks into the freezer and hangs up the dress. Tim looks out from behind a slab of meat. Tim: "That's a lovely dress, Wyatt." Wyatt: "Oh, my friend's sweet sixteen–" Tim: "You aren't one of those weirdos who enjoys putting sides of beef in dresses to practice dancing!" Wyatt: "What?" Tim: "Are you a meat dancer, Wyatt?" Wyatt: "A meat dancer? No!" Tim: "It's okay, Wyatt. I used to be a meat dancer too. It's how I got started." Wyatt: "Start–" Tim: "Yep. But now I'm a competitive ballroom dancer. I'm officially out of the freezer." Wyatt: "Well, I–" Tim: "Want me to teach you? I knew you were going to ask." Wyatt: "Actually, I was–" Tim: Wyatt into a dance "Hoping to start now. All right." they dance "I'm glad you asked, because otherwise I would have had to fire you for dancing with the meat." Wyatt: "Fire me?" Tim: "No fear of that now. Not going to fire my new ballroom prodigy." whimpers. "Remember, Wyatt, it's about passion. Show me your passion for dance." Wyatt around "One two three one two three one two..." ---- is talking with two teenagers. Jonesy: "Straight up, this party is gonna be lame." Fat Guy: "No way." Baseball Cap Teen: "It's gonna be the party of the year." Jonesy: "Going to this party will be the biggest mistake of your life–" turns and sees Gwen and Mandy "–'cause I...know I'm fired." ---- is cleaning the staff washroom. Kristen and Kirsten: "You missed a spot!" chortle. "We said the same thing!" giggle. "We did it again!" laugh. Kirsten: "Is that ever cool!" Nikki: cheerful "Yeah, it's almost like between you, there's only one brain." Kirsten: "Oh my gosh. She's right!" Kristen and Kirsten: joyful "We share a brain! We share a brain! We share a brain! We share a brain!" ---- is at the ice rink. Jonesy arrives, now clothed normally. Jonesy: "How's the ice?" Jude: "High-quality maximum slide." Jonesy: "I'll be the judge of that." leaps on the ice and slides. "Good one! WWWHHHHOOOAAA!" slams into the boards. Jude gets on his knees and pats the ice. Jude: "Sweet." ---- and Wyatt are wiping down the counters at work. Tim: "Maybe we should introduce you to the tango." Wyatt: sighing "Fine." two begin dancing behind the counter. Tim: "There's that passion I was talking about." ---- is being filmed at the site of her party. Tricia: "This is all wrong! I want the curtains to have valence tops and a bigger sway!" Tricia tears down the curtains. Benj: "I think they're working as hard as they can, Tricia." Tricia: angry "I didn't ask for your opinion!" realizes she's being filmed and instantly turns sweet. "I just want it to be perfect." ---- opens the lock on the thermostat with a screwdriver and turns the temperature...up? Ron: "Ah ha! Caught you red-handed, maggot! What do you think you're doing?" Jude: "Turning up the heat." Ron: "Just as I th–turning up the heat?" Jude: "Yeah, getting a bit chilly in here, don't you think?" Ron: "Yes I did. Good work, soldier. Keep a lookout for the culprit who keeps turning it down." Jude: "Roger that." ---- the end of her shift, Caitlin removes her uniform. Jen: "C'mon, Caitlin, just forget about Tricia!" Caitlin: "I can't. She stole my money, all my great ideas, my date, and right now she's probably wearing the most beautiful dress ever." Nikki: "Yep. I bet Tricia, Mandy, and Gwen all look fantastic in it." Caitlin: "What?" Nikki: "I'll explain later. Go put this on." hands Caitlin a gift-wrapped box. Caitlin: "Aww!" ---- party is going strong. DJ: "Let's hear it for Tricia, with her two best friends Mandy and Gwen!" steps into a spotlight, flanked by her friends. All of them are wearing the same purple dress. The crowd laughs. Benj: laughing "They're all wearing the same dress!" Tricia: angry "You think this is funny? I never should have stolen you away from Caitlin! You two totally deserve each other." Benj: "I'm outta here. Don't forget to smile pretty for the camera, Tricia." gasps as she realizes the whole encounter was captured on tape. Tricia: meekly "We can edit some of this stuff out, right?" the answer "Oh, whatever." shoves the camera away as she storms off in a huff. ---- guys are standing by the ice rink dressed in nice suits. Wyatt is on the phone. Wyatt: "Yeah sure. Done." hangs up. "Jen says they'll be here any second. Light it up." connects two electrical cords, and sparkly lights over the rink light up. Jude: "Sweet! Now check this!" connects two more cords, and fog wafts over the ice. Jonesy: "Nice!" Wyatt: "Whoa! How'd you do that?" Jude: "As the good book says, warm temperature and humidifiers cause ice to fog. Read it." Jonesy: "Won't that ruin your perfect ice?" Jude: "Yeah, but this is a special occasion." and Nikki lead a blindfolded Caitlin to the edge of the rink. Jen: "Here we are, Caitlin." removes the blindfold. Jude, Jen, Nikki, Jonesy, and Wyatt: "Happy birthday, Caitlin!" Caitlin: delighted "It's beautiful! You guys did all of this for me?" Nikki: "Well, Jen did most of the planning." Jen: "You guys did great work! And it was fun with the color-coded spreadsheet, right?" Caitlin: "Thanks, guys. This is the best sweet sixteen party I could have ever imagined." Jen: "So, who's gonna be Caitlin's first sweet sixteen dance partner?" takes Caitlin's hand and leads her onto the ice. Dawgtoy begins to play as Wyatt dances with Caitlin excellently. Caitlin: "Wow. Where did you learn to dance like this?" Wyatt: "Don't ask." Benj: Wyatt on the shoulder "Hey. Can I cut in?" Caitlin: gasping "Benj! You came!" Benj: "There's nowhere I would rather be, and no one I would rather be with. Happy sweet sixteen, Caitlin." rest of the group looks on as the two dance. ---- walks into the Stereo Shack, where the rest of her friends are gathered. Caitlin: "Okay okay, stop texting, I'm here!" Nikki: "I thought you might want to see this." turns on the TV. TV: "Tonight on Chill TV, the Sweet 16 Queen of Mean." Onscreen Tricia: Benj "I didn't ask for your opinion!" another scene "I should never have stolen you away from Caitlin! You two totally deserve each other!" a camera away "Oh, whatever." Cameraman: falling "AAAH!" turns the TV off. Caitlin: "Well I am glad they saw her for who she really is. After all, no one deserves a ninth chance." Nikki: "You got that right." Jen: "That's for sure." Wyatt: "Eight strikes, you're out." Category:Season 3